


Fly Like an Eagle

by ghostliness



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bittersweet Ending, Friendship, M/M, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23509723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostliness/pseuds/ghostliness
Summary: “Caspar von Bergliez,” Linhardt sighed. He squinted at the small picture that showed the blue haired boy. “He looks like a fucking douche.”“Linhardt!” Hanneman, his teacher, exhaled. “Let me see.”“What if he’s loud? And what if he’s a neat freak? I couldn’t do that Hanneman. I’d rather drop out.” Linhardt told him dejectedly. Hanneman passed back Linhardt’s laptop and offered the boy an unsure smile.“Everything will be fine, Linhardt. Everything will be fine.”Hanneman lied.
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Linhardt von Hevring
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Fly Like an Eagle

“Caspar von Bergliez,” Linhardt sighed. He squinted at the small picture that showed the blue haired boy. “He looks like a fucking douche.” 

“Linhardt!” Hanneman, his teacher, exhaled. “Let me see.” 

Linhardt lifted his computer over to the older man. Hanneman was one of his Linguistics professors that he had bonded with over the few years he was a student. Linhardt had managed to test out of most sophomore level classes and was classified as a junior, much to his dismay. It just meant more work, but cooler classes. Actual Linguistics courses being some of them. He was hoping to study in dead languages and translations, which was also Hanneman’s specialty. Hanneman adjusted his glasses. 

“I mean, he looks like he could be an okay kid. Mayhaps. It says he’s a kinesiology major. And only a year older than you! How exciting. Maybe he can bestow some of his wisdom upon you.” Hanneman said. 

“What wisdom? You’re old enough that you could have seen most of the languages we’re studying die, and the most wisdom you’ve given me is something I could have read out of a textbook anyways.” Linhardt joked. The delivery was deadpan, but Hanneman chuckled. 

“Now, my boy. Surely having a new roommate can’t be all that bad. It’s all on you that your other roommate left. He’s gone off to a better school too. You cannot fault the boy.” 

And he was right. Linhardt’s former roommate, Ferdinand, acted as pompous as this new kid looked. But he wasn’t a bad guy. He dragged Linhardt to one too many parties and brought home way too many women, and even a man on one occasion, but he left Linhardt to his own devices and didn’t nag on him when he would skip class and sleep. And not do his dishes. Or his laundry. Linhardt was tired. 

Linhardt was very tired. If he wasn’t trying to revive some long dead texts, his depression made him handicapped. He had gone to his university's disability center and then turned around before he could even start. He didn’t belong in the same category as the folks who had real disabilities. Linhardt could walk. He could hear with both ears and had all four limbs. He didn’t feel right asking for an absence excuse. He knew though that it was valid, but he still couldn’t do it. And now, one skipped semester later, he wished he could take a break. He didn’t want to deal with new people, much less with a new roommate. Who looked like a ‘fucking douche’. 

“You’re right Hanneman, but still,” Linhardt griped. He ran his hands through his hair and quite a few strands fell out. He was sure his hairline was receding at 22. “I don’t want to do this.” 

“Linhardt,” he started. He didn’t know how to comfort the boy without simultaneously keeping in mind how exhausted he was, but also how much Linhardt did do a lot of this to himself. “Maybe this year allow this new boy to be your friend. You always kept Ferdinand at an arm’s distance. Play some videogames with the new kid. Go out and get lunch and study together. Just, leave your dorm. Please, leave your dorm.” Hanneman said. It was borderline begging with how little Linhardt did. Not to say that Linhardt didn’t turn in his work, but he also never showed up to class. Like ever. Which is what hurt Linhardt’s grades so bad, according to most of his teachers. Despite brilliance, attendance did count for all of his classes, and there unfortunately was no option for online and labs were mandatory and often very early in the morning. Linhardt couldn’t be bothered. 

“What if he’s loud? And what if he’s a neat freak? I couldn’t do that Hanneman. I’d rather drop out.” Linhardt told him dejectedly. Hanneman passed back Linhardt’s laptop and offered the boy an unsure smile. 

“Everything will be fine, Linhardt. Everything will be fine.” 

Hanneman lied. 

“Honey, I’m hoooooooome!” someone shouted loud enough to raise the dead. Linhardt was huddled up under layers of blankets when the intruder kicked the door open. It was 10am and Linhardt had gone to bed all but four hours ago. He was mostly naked, but not really afraid. He guessed his new roommate was here. Groggily, he shifted off his blankets and peered into the light. There stood a boy, about two inches shorter than him, with cropped blue hair and muscles upon muscles. Toned arms and a lean back, Linhardt stared him down as best he could without allowing his eyes to shut again. He guessed he was awake for the day. 

“Hello.” Linhardt yawned. “Caspar, I assume?” 

The older boy looked around and finally to where Linhardt lay. He beamed. “That’s me! You’re Linhardt!” he announced. 

“Bingo. Wow, you’re brilliant.” the younger said. Caspar laughed and threw down his bags onto his side of the room. Linhardt had moved in on the first available day to get it over with and to not have his mom nag at him for a full week. He was a grown ass man which meant he could make grown ass decisions like to sleep. A lot. 

“Aha! I’m not that smart!” Caspar chuckled, all but missing the fact the comment was dripping with sarcasm. “Anyways, I’m Caspar von Bergliez! I’m hoping to become a coach of sorts or at least a personal trainer.” he told Linhardt, who was now working his way to sit up. Linhardt extended his hand. 

“Linhardt von Hevring. I don’t like explaining what I want to do because no one gets it.” he yawned again. His covers fell just a bit to expose his upper body and Linhardt noticed how Caspar’s eyes lingered on his skin for just a bit too long for it to be curiosity. He brushed it off once he felt a firm grab of his hand and his arm being jostled in a brute’s excuse of a handshake. 

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance!” he shouted. Linhardt flinched. This boy was loud. He rubbed his eyes and stretched out a bit before laying back down. 

“Likewise. If you need anything, we have RAs. Please don’t wake me up again.” he asked. Caspar’s brow furrowed as he started moving his things around to unpack. It looked like he had brought the bare minimum. Thankfully, Linhardt had lived in the same room for now two years and had all the essentials. Maybe it was the boy’s first time living in a dorm? He could have been a commuter. 

“You don’t seem to friendly Lin buddy.” Caspar noted. “But that’s fine. Plus, I think we’re going to be forced to get along anyways.” 

“Please, no.” Linhardt breathed out. “Why?” 

“Dude,” Caspar started. He looked at Linhardt like he was the idiot in the room. “Our dads work together?” 

“His dad and my dad go way back, I guess.” Linhardt explained to Hanneman. His legs dangled off the desk he was sitting on and Hanneman didn’t look up from his papers. He was penning a few new pages in a book he was set to publish about a lost dialect in a place known only as ‘Abyss’. “I called him and asked. Something about them always having a rivalry and how cool it was we ended up going to the same school. Sounds like a scheme to me, but whatever.” 

“Is that so bad?” Hanneman asked. “It means you have something to bond over.” 

“It’s horrible, Hanneman. Because now he wants to talk, all the time. About just stupid stuff. Like how his dad could beat my dad, and of course I had to stick up for my old man and I told him some nonsense about height advantage. He believed it though, so-” 

“Linhardt,” Hanneman cut him off. “This is the most trivial thing I’ve heard you talk about in years.” he smiled. “It’s refreshing. For a while I thought you were all books and no fun with the exception of the times you’ve told me about your atrocious behavior at parties.” 

Linhardt didn’t seem phased. He can’t hold his alcohol. He once told an art student the color she was using on a painting sucked. He tried to ask a choir student to dinner and then took her to the cafeteria. It could have been worse. 

“Whatever, I’m just annoyed.” Linhardt said. He had grabbed a lock of his hair and was examining it. It needed to be re-dyed. “He keeps staring at me too when I change. It’s weird.” 

“Is it, Linhardt?” Hanneman asked. “I take you as the type to not judge, purely because you can’t be bothered with courting.” 

Linhardt felt himself blush at that. “Well, I’m not used to it.” Linhardt admitted. He thought about Caspar, and how before he met him, he thought Ferdinand was the manliest thing alive. That was nothing compared to the muscles his now roommate had. Even his muscles had muscles. The way that even when he stretched there was an expanse of skin that twitched with strength. His face was so soft but everything else was so, so sculpted. It was nothing compared to Linhardt’s beanpole of a body. The gym was a foreign idea to him and the most exercise he got was walking to get groceries. Caspar, admittedly while loud-mouthed and obnoxious, was not bad looking. 

“So, I was right.” Hanneman bragged. 

“Yes, and?” Linhardt asked. “As if you’re not all over the nurse. I mean,” Linhardt brought his hands up to his chest and made a squeezing motion. “I don’t blame you.” A brief thought of Caspar’s pecs flashed into his mind’s eye. He instantly ignored it. 

“Now, Linhardt, that’s none of your business.” Hanneman scolded. It was his turn to turn red. Linhardt managed to crack a smile. 

“An eye for an eye, geezer. An eye for an eye.” 

“Thanks for the tip, KindKnight-” groaned out Caspar. “Fuck, I hope I can finish before my roommate gets back.” 

Caspar was sprawled out in his chair in front of a laptop with a nice camera pointed straight at his genitals. On screen, you could see up to his lips. The rest of his face was cut off. There was a chatroom that was open with tips steadily coming in. 

ur so sexy 

Does your roommate have a big cuck? 

*cock 

voncaspb pls shout me out im a new streamer an d could use some views 😊 my @ is baltieboy we’re both muscle 

Caspar scanned over the chat with hooded eyes. He needed to hurry this up. He’d sooner be dead than have his roommate know his job was to be a cam boy. He didn’t take too much shame in it, but he also didn’t feel like Linhardt needed to know that about him just yet. 

“I don’t know my roommate’s cock size. But, if I were to guess, probably huge. Skinny boys generally have big dicks from what I’ve seen. And he’s cute too. I would love for him to walk in on me one of these days and have him force me to my knees so I can su- suuhh- oh! Cumming!” 

Voncaspb is a bottom? Now im even more turned on! 

Pls give me a a shout out dude im serious 

Caspar leaned back in his chair as he felt warm semen slowly drip down his body. It was thick in consistency and thick with feelings of remote shame. He knew his regulars probably could tell that this was the most intense orgasm he’s had in a while, and he felt his face flush red at the thought of a few hundred people knowing his intimate desires for his roommate. 

“Ah, anyways, this is Voncaspb, signing off! Thanks for watching!” he said to his audience with as much enthusiasm as he could post-coital. He offered up a kissy face and a peace sign before he ended his stream. He watched as his numbers went down and down as he lay back to catch his breath. Caspar reached for a tissue and began to clean himself. His body tensed when he heard a familiar cough, but the door never opened. That didn’t stop him from wiping faster and running to the bathroom to begin showering. 

Lysithea took a huge bite of her cake before pointing the fork in Linhardt’s direction. “Dthat’ jus meens-” she gulped. Linhardt winced in fear she would start choking. “That just means you have a better chance of fuckin’ him.” she said. 

Lysithea was a new girl in his Pragmatic’s class. Considering it was a 400 course, he was interested and had managed to become pretty quick friends with her. She was foul-mouthed and spoke her mind, which Linhardt loved. He hatred transparency. Sometimes. 

“Lys!” he hissed at her. “Not so loud you stupid bitch!” Lysithea gave him a side eye before forking more sweets into her face. Linhardt wanted to smack her. 

“Am I wrong? Tell me I’m wrong Linnie. Oh, wait, I’m not.” she said through chews. “Ask me, ask Daddy Hanne, ask anyone with a functioning brain what the next move is and they’d all say to confront him and tell him you heard him, and then fu-” 

“I said not so loud!” Linhardt said again. This time, he did smack her on her arm. “And how do I do that exactly? ‘Oh hey Caspar, roomie, buddy! I heard you jacking off on camera and you blew a load thinking about sucking my dick!’ You can’t just say things like that casually. Or at all without being mortified. What if he denies it? What if I misheard and maybe he had a friend in there or- or I was at the wrong room?” Linhardt asked with increasing self-doubt. Lysithea offered him barely a shrug. 

“Then asking is the only sure-fire way to know. Linhardt, I thought you hated it when people weren’t up front.” she said. Linhardt looked at the young girl, who was now picking up her plate to lick the frosting off. She was honest in who she was. So why couldn’t he? 

“Lysithea, I don’t know if I’m willing to even make the move to say that I’m like, you know-” he motioned vaguely. 

“Queer?” she asked. “So what dude. Lots of people are queer. I can list off at least four people on my floor alone who are queer and probably even more on your floor. Wasn’t your last roommate bi too if I remember you telling me?” she pointed out. 

“Yeah but it was one time with one guy.” Linhardt tried to defend. 

“Bzzzt, wrong! I know a guy in my dorm who said he made out with him! So that’s two guys. There’s a trend there.” 

She sounded so proud of herself, but Linhardt was starting to get annoyed. He didn’t know how his father would feel about him and his best work buddy’s son hooking up. Or whatever. He twirled a lock of his hair nervously. 

“Well, I’ll never know for sure if I don’t do anything.” Linhardt sighed in defeat. “But this just seems like so much effort. I don’t have the energy to try. Also, what if he ends up seeing me in a rut and realizes something?” he asked. Lysithea grabbed her bag and checked her phone. She didn’t need to be anywhere, but she too was growing tired of Linhardt being uncharacteristic. 

“Didn’t you just say you’ll never know if you don’t do anything?” 

Linhardt could feel his heart growing heavy with the burden of knowledge. 

Linhardt didn’t speak to Caspar. He avoided eye contact at all cost. He thought this would make things feel better, even if just a little. But, the more he circumvented the other boy, the more he could feel the tension grow. More often than not he’d watch Caspar when he wasn’t looking. Linhardt felt his chest tighten whenever the boy laughed too loud. When he flexed his arms while he lifted his laundry basket. Only a goddess could forgive his sinful thoughts when Caspar was wearing nothing but a towel. He wanted to ask about what he had heard. It had been about a week since then, and a little over a month that the two had been roommates. They didn’t hang out. They didn’t really chat. There was nothing going on between the two that would indicate mutual interest. 

Yet. 

Fortunately for Caspar, Linhardt was as big of an idiot when it came to pining after someone as Caspar was just normally. All the hints could be laid thin in front of the younger and yet, he’d look too deep and miss the whole idea completely. He’d try to break it down syllable by syllable, sound it all out. Aɪ θɪŋk jʊr hɑt. That’s all it took. He’d try to find another semantic meaning. He’d take it literally and attempt to cool himself down. Linhardt could write a whole essay on things he knew in hours if he had the energy, or cared. But he didn’t know himself. His feelings. Whatever the hell his roommate and his dynamic was. He didn’t know where to start. 

Caspar on the other hand pretended he didn’t notice that Linhardt was eyeing him. He had done it the first day to the verdant haired boy, so now it was his turn to turn a blind eye. He felt Linhardt drilling holes into his back when he stood with water dripping down him. He had heard him gossiping with another girl on their floor, Leonie, who seemed to be friends with his classmate, ‘Lys’, or whoever. Leonie was more of Caspar’s speed. Lots of brawn. She was smart though. He had seen her around some of the same buildings he was in. She was studying for sports medicine. Caspar desperately wanted to fantasize about her, but instead he fantasized about the things she, Lysithea, and Linhardt spoke about. 

“Guys, seriously, pack up. He’s going to be coming home soon. I don’t want him thinking I’m like-” 

“Romantically involved with two hot chicks? God, Linhardt, you must have it rough.” Leonie said, rolling her eyes. 

“Look, I’m tired. I have homework I should probably do too.” Linhardt tried to reason. Lysithea wasn’t having it. 

“And you’re not going to do it. How dumb do you think we are? You’re going to kick us out, and then jack off thinking about your roommate, and then take a nap.” she said. Linhardt just looked at the ground. 

She wasn’t totally wrong. 

“Can’t you tell Caspar to just like, not be here for a while? Or, maybe, you could stop avoiding him, and we can all be friends. He’s in a few of my classes, I think. I don’t know. Our lecture halls are huge. I could just be thinking all blue-haired bitches are him.” 

“He’s not a bitch.” Linhardt interjected. 

“You want to make him one though.” Leonie winked. Lysithea held up her hand for a high-five and Leonie clapped their hands together with a resonating sound. Linhardt, again, knew she was right. 

“Is that such a crime?” he asked. “He’s so petite and while he’s muscular, he just seems very... fragile. I want to see him smile and have him confide in me. I want him to tell me what he feels before I have to spill that I heard it.” 

Lysithea pulled a candy bar from her bag and began to unwrap it. 

“Don’t eat on my bed.” 

“Sorry,” Lysithea said, unmoving. Linhardt glared at her. Nothing. She continued to unwrap it and took a bite. “But, you know how you solve that?” she asked. Linhardt shook his head and only then did Lysithea move from the bed to the ground where Linhardt was laying. She hovered over his face and offered him a bite. He refused. “You talk to him, genius. He could walk through the door right now and you’d still be quiet as a mouse. You have such snarky shit to say like, 98% of the time unless we’re talking about your dumb crush.” 

“And, for the number of raunchy things you’ve said about him, you can’t just act like you don’t have a crush on him. Even if you’re not sure it’s romantic, there’s something.” Leonie chimed in. Lysithea nodded. Linhardt gently moved Lysithea and held out his hand for her candy. There was one bite left. She gave it to him. 

“I just can’t get over how cute he is. You're right, he could walk through the door, and I’d be quiet. But I want to tell him how much I think I’m beginning to like him. I think about him every day. I think about him when I want to sleep, which is all the time. I want to tell him, ‘Caspar von Bergliez, I want to go on a date with you’!” 

“You do?” said a voice from the other side of the door. The three inside the room froze as a card was swiped and a door knob turned. 

Caspar and Linhardt sat in silence. Excruciating, nearly tangible silence. Caspar was pulling a thread on his comforter while Linhardt sat at his desk, using a pencil to color in his nails. If there was ever a point in his life where he truly wanted to sleep forever, it was now. 

“So, how much did you hear?” Linhardt asked. Caspar didn’t look at him. 

“The... the part where you said I wasn’t a bitch and- and then Lys said that you-” 

“Yikes! Stop. Please.” Linhardt cut him off. His face was crimson with embarrassment. It contrasted his hair and Caspar finally looked at him. It was like Christmas in human form. “So too much. You heard too much.” he sighed. “I guess this is karma.” 

“For what?” Caspar asked. Linhardt took the dive. 

“I heard you in here. Streaming.” he said. It was Caspar’s turn to flush. “Something about what you wanted me to do to you so, I don’t think, well... I don’t think what I said was too far off from what we both want.” he explained hurriedly. This was mortifying. The room fell silent again. Caspar was now twirling the thread around his pointer finger and watching as it slowly cut off circulation in the tip of it. Linhardt had moved on to his other hand to color but he was running out of nails. 

“So-” the both of them said in unison. Their eyes met. Caspar could feel himself wanting to scream, and Linhardt wanted to cry. 

“You first.” Linhardt insisted. Caspar shook his head and frantically gestured his hands to give Linhardt the floor. 

“No, I insist. What I was about to say was weird anyways.” he said. Linhardt couldn’t help but to pry. 

“Then say it. Now I’m interested!” he said. Caspar snapped the thread and watched the blood rush back into his finger. 

“I‘m going to blame it on the fact that I’m dumb, and dense, and hopeful,” he started. Linhardt could see the older boy scoot back further on his bed to distance himself. “But I was planning on streaming this week.” he said. It came out almost inaudible. Linhardt had to lean in to catch the words, and when he did, his own breath caught in his throat. 

“Hey,” Linhardt went to get up from his chair, but Caspar shielded himself with his hands. “What are you doing?” 

“I just don’t want you to be mad at me.” Caspar admitted. 

“I’m not?” Linhardt told him with confusion. He approached Caspar’s bed now and crawled on top of it. Caspar seemed to loosen up as Linhardt neared him, his blue eyes looking at him with genuine concern. “I just want to know if this is just something casual.” 

Caspar looked at him and straightened up. He leaned back against the wall and allowed Linhardt to sit next to him. Their hands brushed. Neither boy recoiled away. “Casual? As in, friends with benefits?” Caspar asked. “I’m dumb-” 

“You’re not dumb, Caspar.” Linhardt assured him. “I’m dumb because I didn’t say something about catching you.” he said, and he watched as Caspar again turned a peachy pink. Linhardt admitted he liked it. If Linhardt was Christmas, Caspar was cotton candy. “We can be friends with benefits. We can try to go on a date. I think as long as we start moving on from this, we can go from there.” 

“Linhardt,” Hanneman said. He didn’t look up from his papers as he twirled a red pen between his fingers. “You actually turned something in. What happened between you and the boy?” he asked. 

“Nothing ever gets past you, even in old age.” Linhardt jested. He sighed out and lay his head atop his arms and shut his eyes. “We went out for lunch and did our homework together. We went back to the dorm and sat next to each other and played video games. We didn’t hold hands. We didn’t kiss. We just spent time together.” 

“And yet you’re glowing like a newly deflowered maiden.” Hanneman chuckled. “So, what’s the next step?” 

“Lin is gonna blow him.” Lysithea said, striding in after she had kicked the door open. She was carrying all her books in her hands. 

“Where’s your backpack?” Hanneman asked, ignoring the previous statement. Lysithea looked pissed. 

“Leonie puked in it after she got too drunk at a frat party over the weekend. Now I have to air it out because it smells putrid.” she grumbled. Books slammed down on a long row table in front of her and she too, plopped down and huffed. “Anyways, like I said, Linhardt is going to blow him.” 

“Is this true, Linhardt? You haven’t even kissed though?” 

“You haven’t?” Lysithea shouted. “Did you lie to me? Or did you lie to Hanneman?” 

Linhardt’s eyes were still closed, but his brow was furrowed. He, however, could feel four eyes bearing into him. Hanneman had even stopped grading. 

“To you, Lysithea. We haven’t kissed. I just wanted to have you guys feel like I was making progress.” he admitted, and Lysithea was fuming. 

“So first, Leonie ruins my bag, and I have to look like a toddler carrying huge books all around campus, and then you, one of my best friends, lies to me over something as dumb as thinking I’ll be impressed if you kissed a boy or not?” she yelled. Linhardt could hear the tears in her voice, and Hanneman was going to stop her before she grabbed her books and stood up. “You think you’re so tired all the time, Linhardt? I'm exhausted! Between doctor’s visits and school and trying to pretend like I care about your stupid relationship issues, I’m- ugh!” 

Hanneman allowed Linhardt to sleep through his lecture that day. 

“I’ve never been yelled at.” Linhardt sighed. Caspar paused checking his emails and looked at Linhardt with sorrowful eyes. “Not even my dad has raised his voice. Not Hanneman even. I feel awful. I didn’t even know she was sick, or how sick she is. She always seems fine.” He could feel his throat starting to hurt. “She’s my best friend.” 

“Well, what did you lie about if you don’t mind me asking?” Caspar inquired. Linhardt had a sinking feeling. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut. 

“Hanneman said I looked like I was glowing today, so I told him you and I hung out.” he said, but Caspar kept digging. 

“That doesn’t tell me what you lied about Linhardt.” he said. By now, he had turned around his chair and was focused on the younger boy, who was sitting in his bed and huddled up in his comforter. “Hopefully it wasn’t anything detrimental.” 

“Well, I didn’t think it was.” Linhardt huffed out. He rolled his eyes and felt himself burning up. “I lied about how far we’d gone. I told Lysithea we had kissed, because I wanted to her to be proud of me, I guess. I don’t know why. Maybe it was a subconscious idea that manifested itself into words.” he explained. Caspar only nodded. “I’m also sorry for making things weird by saying that.” 

“Nothing’s weird.” Caspar said. He stood up and Linhardt’s body went ridged. It was his turn to shy away and hide further in his bed, but Caspar took it as him making room. He slid right under the covers and lay beside Linhardt. “See?” he asked. He sounded uncertain himself, but Linhardt provided a stiff nod. 

“I keep messing things up. I’m lazy, I can’t seem to forge meaningful relationships, I can’t seem to get much right.” Linhardt began. “Even so, I’m happy. Is that bad? I don’t mind only doing what I like doing. I like learning language. I like sleeping. I like you.” Linhardt slipped out, but he didn’t stop. “I like hanging out with Lys and hearing her foul mouth and her blunt but correct advice. I like listening to Leonie go on and on about one of her professor’s dad’s even if it means nothing much to me. Is that wrong to want to just live one day at a time?” Linhardt asked earnestly. “I don’t see much point in looking too deep into the future, especially if there’s no guarantee we’re going to be in it.” 

Caspar lay there, unsure of what to say. He wanted to alleviate Linhardt of some stress, but he didn’t know the boundry between them yet. He opted to try and find Linhardt’s hand. There were a few misplaced touches, considering the height difference, but Caspar located it, and gently brushed over it with his own. When there was no sign of rejection, Caspar placed his fingers between the crevices of Linhardt’s hand. He didn’t hold it, but just a touch was enough. 

“I don’t like words like that.” Caspar admitted. “I don’t know what you’re feeling, but I know that the Linhardt I’ve observed is more than enough.” he said. Caspar moved to lay on his side so he could look at Linhardt in the eyes. “Nothing’s weird. You’re not messing things up. It’s not bad that you’re happy. You’re not wrong to think like that. I promise.” he said, holding up his pinky finger. Linhardt held up his too, albeit, weakly. 

Pinkies interlocked. A smile played on Linhardt’s lips and Caspar couldn’t help but to laugh a little. They leaned in to kiss their thumbs, but the closet they got, the more they realized that that was weird. 

They settled on a curt nod. 

Leonie sat down in front of Linhardt, offering him a cup of water. He gingerly took it into his hands as his eyes fixated on a piece of carpet that was stained in her room. He sighed, and Leonie couldn’t really feel sorry for him. 

“Yeah buddy, you pissed her off real bad.” she said. Linhardt just nodded. “She didn’t tell you about her being sick?” 

“No. She always has been so upbeat and I guess for being her best friend, I didn’t get the privilege of knowing that.” he commented sarcastically. Leonie frowned. 

“Look, Lin, for starters, don’t be a dick about it. But, she has a rare blood disease. Her days are few. We’re looking no later than 30. Mid-twenties, at best.” she explained. Her voice was unusually stable for something so grim. Linhardt took it as she had just settled on it already. That’s what you do when you have an incurable disease. You learn to cope until it takes you. He brought his cup up to his lips, but couldn’t manage to drink. He felt his eye well up with tears, but none would spill over. He just wanted to say sorry. 

Cookies. Ice cream. Cake. Candy. Linhardt would have been on his knees if he didn’t think he could get back up from the weight of all the goodies he had lugged to Lysithea’s dorm room. The girl looked up at him with narrowed eyes. 

“Lysithea,” Linhardt started, horribly out of breath. He wanted Caspar to maybe be his personal trainer because holy hell, was he out of shape. “I am so, so sorry.” 

“For what?” she asked, turning her nose up. She was eyeing the sweets, however. “Tell me exactly.” 

“For lying. And for not being a good friend. I know I don’t say how I feel often, but Lysithea-” Linhardt was huffing. “Can I put this down in your room first?” he laughed. The young girl couldn’t help but to laugh. She took the cake from his hand and he distributed the weight of the bags between his two hands before walking in. There were plush animals scattered among books about semantics and pragmatics. Linhardt hated those classes because they dealt with underlying meanings. 

“You were saying?” Lysithea started. She had already popped off the plastic cover on the cake and had grabbed a fork. Linhardt gently smiled. This was the Lysithea he knew, loved, and cherished. He didn’t want to think about her imminent death. 

“Ah. Yes. I don’t say it often-” 

“Or ever.” Lysithea added. Linhardt just nodded. 

“Yes. But, you’re also my best friend. And thank you for listening to me talk about my bullshit. I’m here for you always. If you’re ever tired, or sick,” he paused to gauge her reaction. Nothing. “I’m your man.” 

“Gross.” Lysithea laughed. “I’m kidding. Apology accepted. Now gimmie those cookies and there’s milk in the fridge.” she said. “And whatever Leonie told you about me, I don’t want to hear it. Don’t feel sorry for me. Just keep being my friend.” 

“Like I said, I’m your man.” 

“And like I said, gross. I’m not into twinks.” Lysithea smiled. “But, because you’re so sweet, maybe I’d consider.” 

Linhardt smiled. He knew she meant nothing from it, but the idea of having someone love him for being unapologetically himself still made his core feel warm. 

“Linhardt,” Caspar said. His voice sounded hushed for once. Linhardt was in the middle of a nap. 

“What?” he replied. He didn’t want to help him study. He didn’t want to get dinner. He opened an eye and Caspar was uncomfortably close to his face. He shut his eye again and tried to turn over. 

“I’m about to start streaming.” Caspar mumbled. “You can leave.” he said. “Or stay...” 

Linhardt didn’t like how his loins felt from such a small statement. He knew in his heart he should leave. He thought about how he didn’t want Caspar to see him in a depressive episode, and he could only compare it to how Caspar probably didn’t want Linhardt to see him jacking it for money. But the curiousness was going to kill him. Linhardt shrugged. 

“I was taking a nap anyways. I’ll just stay.” 

The floor creaked, a telltale sign that Caspar was moving around again in the dorm. He heard the older sigh. There was a slight shake to it. Nerves. Linhardt could have spoken up, but instead, his eye opened again. Caspar wasn’t facing him, but he watched as his shirt came off and was tossed onto his bed. He was wearing gray sweatpants that were loosely tied. Linhardt couldn’t help but to notice his hips. Why was Caspar curvy? He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. 

Caspar sat down at his computer and Linhardt watched as he opened a streaming program and the website he used. He scrolled through the front page and hovered over a few users. Caspar looked like he was deep in concentration until he groaned. 

“Fuck!” he shouted. He immediately covered his mouth and looked over his shoulder. Linhardt faked being jolted awake. “I’m so sorry!” he said. “Just frustrated.” 

“About what?” Linhardt asked, forgetting about what was about to happen. Caspar got quiet. 

“Well,” he started. He had turned back around so he wasn’t facing Linhardt. “There’s a category that I fall under in terms of like, you know.” he said. Linhardt made a noise of acknowledgement. “And there’s another streamer who’s really popular in that category whose live now. He just started getting popular but he pulls in a lot of women as well as gay men, so it’s frustrating.” he explained. “I only get gay men because I’m openly... gay.” 

“Good for you.” Linhardt said. He meant it sincerely, but it came out as kind of sarcastic. He began to explain himself. “Before you, I had always assumed myself bi-curious. But for the amount of times I’ve-” Linhardt stopped. 

“You’ve?” Caspar pried. He had now turned around in his chair. He was leaning back, his hands behind his head. Linhardt’s eye were now open and gawking up his toned upper body. He felt his face display every hue of pink and red imaginable. He wanted to hide himself away under his covers, but he had to be honest. He didn’t want to not be true to himself. 

“You know.” Linhardt said, shifting uncomfortably. He went to sit up and he faced the blue haired beauty. He kept his covers over his lower half though. “Hey, you’ve done it thinking about me too, so we’re even as far as I’m aware.” he said. There was a slight playfulness to his voice, but overall, he was just ashamed to admit something like that. To his roommate. That he liked. Caspar cracked a smile that caused Linhardt’s heart to skip a beat. His teeth were unimaginably white. 

“Yeah, but now I feel less guilty for doing it because you’re doing it too.” he said. “So, what do you think about?” he asked. He asked it like he was asking about the weather. Like how the cafeteria food tasted. Not like there was any substance to it. Linhardt wanted the substance. 

“Does it matter?” Linhardt asked. “Is this just you being curious or is this you making a move?” 

“Does that matter?” Caspar asked back. 

It didn’t. But that didn’t mean Linhardt didn’t like it. 

“I just don’t want to be, ya’ know,” Linhardt started out. He didn’t like the direction this conversation was going. He was starting to feel jaded. “Used.” 

“What am I going to use you for?” the older asked with genuine curiosity. “Look, I may be an idiot but I know when to be serious about relationships and feelings. Linhardt, I wouldn’t use you for sex considering how you just told me you aren’t really sure if you’re even into dudes like that.” 

“Ahh! Don’t- don’t say things like that!” Linhardt exclaimed. He didn’t like hearing his name and the word sex in the same sentence. Especially when it was coming from the mouth of a boy he liked. “It’s embarrassing. And thank you, but I don’t even know if like, I like you. Or if this is just me thinking you’re cute. This is all very frustrating for me. I’m not good with it.” 

“We can kiss?” Caspar suggested. He went to sit up in his chair and Linhardt could see him go to stand. 

“No.” he stopped him. “If we were to kiss, I would want it to be natural.” he explained. Caspar raised a brow. 

“Is that a promise?” 

Linhardt hated how flirtatious Caspar could be when he was trying. 

And when he said he hated it, he loved it. He loved the back and forth teasing the two of them could get into. The banter. The tension. The fact that either of them were waiting to jump the other and just go at it at any given chance. The offhand looks when they were changing. Tempting the other with basic movements and wanting to get caught doing something uncouth. It was torture in the best way. The sweetest sin. 

Caspar wouldn’t really warn Linhardt when he was streaming anymore. He would just start up and if Linhardt stayed, he stayed and minded his own business as best he could. Few times had he openly spoken about him again, but when he did, Linhardt could feel himself go in and out of consciousness from how hot he was getting. 

voncaspb how are u and ur roomie? 

Oh! Have you guys hooked up yet? 

hot 

Mm baby ur so sexy please cummming 

have u seen his dick yet? 

Caspar felt his face turn red as he moved his hand over his upper body. Linhardt was still in the room with his back to him. He was faking being asleep per usual. Caspar wasn’t dense. He groaned and saw Linhardt’s body shift. Was he palming himself? 

“No, I haven’t seen it yet.” he said. “I want to though. Badly.” he said aloud, camping it up for the camera and his present audience. “We haven’t even kissed. I bet his lips are soft.” 

Linhardt coughed. 

is he in the room omg 

Go shive your coc k in his mouth 

Comment Deleted By Moderator 

“Yeah, he’s ‘asleep’.” he laughed. He had slowed his strokes down to casually chat for a bit and tease Linhardt. “I wish he could just be honest and watch. Hell, I’d even let him open up the stream and watch on his phone if he wasn’t so shy. The tension between us is unbearable som- someti- oh- oh god! I'm-” 

Caspar’s hands were on his armrests as his cocked twitched with cum gently spilling from the tip. A simple thought caused a hands-free orgasm, and that alone caused him to turn off the stream with no outro. 

voncaspb here~ Have a great night loves <3 Thanks for turning in! 

A sighed escaped past his lips, and then there was a rustle of sheets. Caspar laid back in his chair far enough that he could see behind him. Linhardt was peeking at him from his bed. He covers were pulled up so only his eyes were showing, but it was enough for Caspar to tell he had been doing something under there. 

“Why does it look like you’ve been crying?” Caspar asked. Linhardt moved his hands to wipe his eyes. “Cum hard?” 

“Why are you like this?” Linhardt groaned. “That’s... partially your business.” Linhardt said. He broke eye contact. “Yes.” 

“Me too Lin, me too.” Caspar admitted. “I thought about you just watching me and I wasn’t even touching myself before I blew my load. How pathetic is that?” he asked. There was a tone of actual disappointment. 

“It’s not. I'm flattered.” Linhardt told him. After that, there was silence as the two of them mentally played chess, deciding what the next move was. They needed to clean up, but who took precedence? Both boys moved at the same time, then froze. 

“I need to just grab a tissue.” 

“I just need to grab a new pair of clothes.” 

Caspar cleared his throat. 

“Yours is going to take longer. You go first.” he offered, but Linhardt didn’t budge. 

“Yeah, but you’re naked. I want you to be able to put some clothes on first.” Linhardt noted. Caspar shrugged. 

“You just heard me masturbate, and you masturbated to that. You also heard me talk about how I want to see you naked, and how I want to kiss you. Why are you acting shy now?” Caspar asked. He was playing, but Linhardt got serious. 

“Well, you know how people get when they’re like,” he sighed. “Turned on. I wasn’t thinking about that then. This is now. And of course, I’m shy because you said those things. I want to do those things too, don’t get me wrong. But, but-” 

“But what?” Caspar said, standing up. He walked over to his bedside table and grabbed a tissue from the tissue box and faced Linhardt while he cleaned himself up. Linhardt’s eyes did everything they could to not venture downwards. “Listen, for someone as smart as you, do you not get it? I like you, a lot. Linhardt von Hevring you’re on my mind more often than not.” Caspar said, tossing his tissue away. He hated he had to confess like this, but it was his turn to feel jaded. “I just want something, anything from you. A kiss. A hug. A confession back. To let me know this isn’t a fruitless effort. You don’t want to be used physically, and I, not emotionally.” Caspar told him. “And you can look. I’m used to people looking.” 

Linhardt’s eyes snapped down to look at what Caspar was working with. He moved the covers down a little bit to show his lips. Linhardt was biting the inside of his cheeks. 

“I’ve got you beat.” he said. Caspar twitched, and Linhardt stared. 

He felt his heartrate speed up. He felt gross with his business still in his boxers. “I need to get changed.” Linhardt said, matter of fact. He moved the sheets off his body and it was Caspar’s turn to just, watch. 

They moved around one another like hawks, eyeing the other’s every move. A hand moved to cover a body. Fingers sliding off fabric. A lip being bitten. Involuntary moan. A gasp of embarrassment. Both of them naked in one another’s presence. 

“You weren’t lying.” Caspar was the first to speak. He ran a hand though his hair as he looked the younger boy up and down. “If I didn’t have any self-control, I’d-” 

“Shut up.” Linhardt said. Linhardt positioned himself so he was leaning on his bed, full display for Caspar. “Come here.” 

“What?” 

“Did I stutter?” Come here.” Linhardt beckoned. His eyes were lust-filled, and Caspar’s whole body shivered at the sudden command. He felt his feet heavily make their way across the floor and stop when he was in front of Linhardt, who was still casually leaning back. “Good boy.” 

Caspar’s lip quivered as he felt his knees start to give out. He looked to Linhardt with question, only to have the brief moment of absolute dominance dissipate from the intellectual in front of him. 

“Oh, that felt nice.” Linhardt chuckled out. “Did you like that?” he asked, standing up straight now. He placed his hands on Caspar’s hips to make sure the boy didn’t fall down and pulled him in, their bodies flush. He looked down while Caspar’s eyes still glimmered. “Let’s agree to pretend tonight didn’t happen. Let’s start pure.” 

“Pure?” 

“Yeah, pure.” Linhardt said, leaning in and kissing Caspar square on the lips. He tasted like honeydew and love. His lips were chapped, but Linhardt didn’t mind considering how Caspar was definitely kissing him back and was into it. He wanted desperately to wind his fingers in that blue hair and kiss him for hours, but he pulled back, and kissed Caspar’s forehead. 

Neither of them would pretend that night didn’t happen. 

The distance between the two slowly began to close, both with bodies and hearts. Kisses would be stolen after class and on most nights, one bed was empty, only to have the other contain two beings. Linhardt’s bed mostly. Only because he was usually asleep anyways. Caspar found it charming. His sleeping beauty. He’d run his fingers through grass green strands and it was fitting considering Linhardt always smelled like woodlands no thanks to a cologne he used. Caspar just smelled like Caspar, and Linhardt wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“That’s gay.” Leonie said, taking a swig of her beer. She was kicked back on a couch on her floor’s common room with Lysithea sitting on the ground, musing over a particularly hard piece of phonology homework. 

“Well, yeah.” Linhardt said. “We’re both dudes. So, you’re not wrong.” 

“Can you guys shut the fuck up for two seconds? I feel like an idiot trying to figure this out.” Lysithea griped. Leonie nudged her with her foot. 

“Chill out girl. You can do your homework later you nerd.” she joked. Lysithea hit her leg with more force then she should have used and instantly apologized. Leonie just laughed. 

“Well, I’m glad you and Cotton Candy have gotten along after everything. I was really nervous that after he walked in on us gossiping, he’d be upset. I guess it did the opposite.” she said. Linhardt just nodded. He was now also looking at Lysithea’s homework. 

“That’s going to be a labiodental fricative, not a bilabial fricative.” he corrected, pointing to a previous problem. The grip on her pencil tightened, but she erased the f and put a ɸ in its place. Linhardt nodded. “Do you want some help? You know you can always ask me or go to Hanneman if you’re struggling.” Linhardt commented. Lysithea kept looking at her paper and then back to her open textbook. 

“I think I can handle this on my own.” she said. She sounded annoyed. Leonie placed a hand on her head. 

“Hun, you can’t shoulder everything all on your own.” Leonie told her gently. It was a light scolding, like a disappointed mother. “Let Lin help you. There’s no shame in asking for help. Hell,” Leonie gestured at Linhardt. “He’s been leaning on us for relationship advice ever since we met. It’s about time we cash in.” she laughed. Lysithea couldn’t help but to snigger a bit too. 

“I still feel like if I can skip classes I can do the work without needing help. I’m smart.” 

“No one is saying you’re not smart, Lys.” Linhardt said. He slid off the couch and onto the ground to sit across from her. “You’re the smartest person I know. And that says a lot because I’m conceited as hell. I’m lazy, but I’m smart. And you’re driven, and brilliant. You’re everything people want to be.” Linhardt praised. Lysithea couldn’t help but to blush. 

“That’s too much.” she said. She had finally put down her work and laid back against the couch behind her. Leonie put her drink down and began rubbing her shoulders. Lysithea’s eyes closed. “I have something I need to tell you two.” she started. The two of them looked to her. “The doctors told me I most likely don’t have too long left. Less so than they anticipated.” she said. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes. “I don’t want to leave you guys. For the first time in my life I have friends, and I don’t want you guys to be sad. For as often as I shout, I’m stressed. I love you two! I love Hanneman. I love going to class and learning things and hearing Linhardt talk about Caspar, and Leonie-” she was sobbing by this point. “I’d have you throw up in my bag every day for the rest of my life if it meant I got to see you!” 

Leonie got off the couch and parked herself next to Lysithea, reaching out and grasping her hand. Linhardt had made his way around the table to be at the opposite side of her. He had also grabbed her other hand and wrapped his arm around her. He didn’t want to cry. Leonie, for the first time he had seen, was quietly crying into Lysithea’s shoulder. He had to stay strong for the two. 

The clouds outside had gotten dark with moisture, and rain began to fall. There was no storm. There was no thunder, no lightening. A late evening shower. People passed by in the hall outside, but no one looked in. It was just another normal day. 

“I’m going to change my major.” Linhardt said from his bed. Caspar was scrolling through his phone. He peeled his eyes away and looked to his (maybe) boyfriend. 

“To what?” he asked. Linhardt didn’t hesitate. 

“Something medical. I want to be a Hematologist.” he said. Caspar scrunched his brow and put his phone down now. 

“But... that’s blood? You hate blood.” 

“Well, sometimes you love something more than the things you hate.” he said. Caspar nodded. “Lysithea broke some news to Leonie and I.” 

“Leonie told me.” he said. He and Leonie had become pretty good friends since they figured out they were around one another a lot with their majors. They did homework together, hit the gym, ate breakfast; It wasn’t far off to say Leonie was one of, if not, Caspar’s best and only real friend. He hung out with a few other muscle heads: Raphael, Dedue, and Felix. Felix wasn’t a muscle head, but he was swift. Strong. On the swimming team. They just talked. Leonie was the only one to listen. 

“I thought to myself that I’m smart enough. I just need to apply myself. And I hate applying myself.” Linhardt groaned. “But I know Professor Manuela from Hanneman. I know she’s a great teacher, and I’m here on scholarship. I’m sure if I change my major too, my dad won’t care. It makes good money and he’s into the whole finance bullshit.” Linhardt explained. He was talking aloud mostly to rationalize with himself, but it didn’t hurt that Caspar was there to listen. “It’s just, the blood.” he said. His complexion paled. “The corpses. Organs and-” 

Linhardt wretched. Nothing came up thankfully, but he was shaking. Caspar had gotten up from his chair with record speed and gone to Linhardt’s bedside with a trashcan if needed. Linhardt dismissed it, but Caspar still placed it at his bedside. The older sat down atop the bed and stroked Linhardt’s hair as he still trembled. Caspar let out a sigh. 

“Lin, I know you have good intentions, but what’s a doctor who’s afraid of blood?” he asked. 

“You better not be setting up a punchline.” 

“I’m not, I promise.” Caspar laughed. “Look, Linhardt. You have a heart of gold and the mind of a... something smart to complete the metaphor. You know what I mean. But I don’t think in the time you complete that major, you get into the field, and start researching what you need to research that you’ll be able to make it.” he said. Caspar’s voice began to crack. “As much as I hate to say it too, I just think it’s best to love Lys as much as we can while we have the time. You can’t outsmart death.” 

Linhardt turned around in his bed and clutched at Caspar’s clothes. He buried his face into his side and tried his damndest to not let the other boy see him weep. 

“Well I’m going to try!” 

Linhardt wasn’t sleeping. He wasn’t eating. He had bought all the textbooks he needed and was reading them all cover to cover. He didn’t have the time to do anything extra. He would make time to see Lysithea after class for a few minutes, and he would wave to Leonie when and if he saw her. Caspar, being his roommate, was the only one who had the opportunity to see him nearly every day. Sometimes, he’d be holed up in the library. So much so, Caspar started making regular stops to make sure he had at least bathed. It was starting to wear thin on the both of them. 

Caspar took the elevator up two floors and stepped off. He went down three rows and peeked in. Lo, Linhardt was sitting on the ground. There was barely any light, but that didn’t matter since Linhardt’s nose was practically pressed to the page. 

“Lin,” Caspar whispered. No movement. “I haven’t seen you since the day before yesterday. Have you left?” 

Still no movement. Caspar sidled along the narrow aisle and loomed above Linhardt. Had it not been for his blinks, Caspar would have guessed that his roommate had died with his eyes open. 

“Linhardt, I brought you some food. It’s not much. Just a sandwich and a protein bar. And some water. Please, look after yourself.” he begged. Linhardt lifted his head from the book. He looked up at Caspar, eyes lifeless. “My love, you look horrible.” 

“Ah, I like hearing those words coming from your lips.” Linhardt whispered, a small smile forming. His voice was impossibly deep with fatigue. It sounded like his throat was dry as a desert. “Say them again.” 

“My love.” he repeated. Caspar leaned down and kissed Linhardt on his forehead. “Where do you want me to leave your rations?” 

Linhardt had turned his head down again, back to his book. Caspar could make out some diagrams on veins. He wondered how Linhardt was going to fare in labs where the blood was real and not some off-red on an ivory page. 

“My bag is over on one of the desks. Just set it over there, please.” he said. Caspar nodded and ruffled Linhardt's hair gently. 

“Do you need anything else from me?” he asked. “I miss you.” 

“I need you to stop worrying. I know it comes from a good place, but I’m fine. I’ve been fine, and I’m going to classes and getting the work done there. Hanneman said he’s not going to give me homework and he’s just going to have me take quizzes and tests and the final. I’ll at least have those credits so I can get a minor. But I need to be left alone to study. I know the practicals are going to be so much worse so I have to absorb as much book knowledge I can so I can fully invest myself in those when they come around.” Linhardt said. Caspar still hated how his voice sounded. There was so much strain and obvious exhaustion. 

“But you still need to eat, and sleep, and bathe.” Caspar told him. “I would leave you alone if I thought you could take care of yourself.” 

“And I can. I don’t need you babying me. I’m ‘your love’ but we’re not like, dating or anything.” Linhardt said, voice deadpan. Caspar scoffed. 

“Wow.” 

Linhardt’s book slammed shut. 

“Wow what?” he asked, voice a little too loud. “We’re not.” 

“Well you don't have to be a dick about it. I would say I want to, but after this, I’m not so sure.” Caspar argued back. Linhardt looked up, his face showing clear disappointment. 

“Hey, don’t be like that. I’m sorry, Caspar. I’m really stressed out and too busy right now to think about dating. I still like you. And I do really appreciate you checking up on me, even though I don’t show it. I’m strapped for time.” he said. Caspar got down on his knees and sat back on his heels. He tenderly touched the side of Linhardt’s face and brought him in for a kiss. 

“I know. I’m also sorry. I’ll leave your food by your bag. See you at home whenever.” Caspar said. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, but got up and bumped his way out of the maze of books before Linhardt could say anything else. His blue eyes looked to the edge of the shelves. He hoped Caspar would come back around them and sit by him for just awhile longer. The pain in his heart grew as he waited, and Caspar never returned. The library was lonely. Linhardt was lonely. But he remembered why he was there. He’d be lonelier if he wasn’t investing his all into his studies. 

Linhardt turned his head down again to his book. He read over and over the information that wasn’t retaining. He needed it to stay. He needed to remember. If he couldn’t remember simple information, how was he supposed to remember Lysithea? 

“Lysithea’s dying and Linhardt’s killing himself over it in the process.” Caspar groaned to Leonie, who was microwaving some rice. She wanted a rice cooker, but money be damned. College finances be damned. “I’m sure you’re not doing too hot either.” 

“It’s life, Caspar.” Leonie said. She watched as the bowl spun in circles, the whirring of the microwave filling the silence. “People die old, people die young. Babies are born dead. There’s not much we can do to avoid it. There are two things that are inevitable in life; death, and taxes.” she laughed. “And you can avoid your taxes but that’s not advised.” 

“Leonie.” 

“I’m sorry!” she laughed. It was dry. “I combat the fact that this is tearing me apart with humor. I know it seems cruel and cold, but what else am I supposed to do? I can’t cry every day until either Linhardt miraculously finds a cure or Lysithea dies.” Leonie said. She popped the microwave open ten seconds before the time ran out. She looked at the contents and swirled it around a bit before putting it back in, cancelling the remaining time, and punching in 30 more seconds. “There’s no point.” 

“Sometimes you don’t need a point, I don’t think.” Caspar said. He was seated on Leonie’s bed, laying back and head atop plush decorative pillows. Leonie didn’t seem like one for flair, so he guessed her parents did this. It wasn’t like It mattered. “Like have you ever asked professor Shamir about her tattoos? She said she doesn’t remember half of them. I think it’s a lot like that.” he said. The microwave went off and Leonie removed her rice and grabbed a plastic spoon. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not following.” she admitted, shoveling a spoonful into her mouth. She made her way to the bed and sat next to Caspar. 

“Everyone says you’re supposed to get tattoos with meaning, but why? Sometimes, you just get them because fuck it, why not?” he said. “Emotions are the same. Yeah, there’s no use in complaining or crying, but if it makes you feel better, why not?” Caspar said. He rolled on his side and wrapped his arms around Leonie’s waist. She didn’t budge. “I’m so tired, Leo.” 

“Take a nap then, hun.” she said. She patted his head and let her hand rest atop it. 

“It’s not the tired that sleep can fix.” Caspar sighed. “I wonder if this is how Linhardt feels. He told me he has depression and now I think I’m getting a glimpse into that.” 

“I don’t think you are.” Leonie said. She took another bite of her food and chewed as she thought out her words. “I am blessed to have a working mind. One where every day it is not trying to kill me. Are you feeling suicidal?” Leonie asked. Caspar shook his head. She breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s great. I think Linhardt has felt that before. I used to have a roommate. She was so lovely.” Leonie started. 

“Was?” Caspar asked. Leonie nodded. 

“Was. She was on the equestrian team. Loved animals. But I see a lot of her in Linhardt. Permanently tired. Tried so hard, but for what? I know she wanted to live up to her father’s wishes, but much like Lysithea, there was an illness that was looming over her life.” Leonie explained. She took her hand off of Caspar’s head and poked around in her small tub of rice. It was almost gone. “I don’t know what it was, but I had known her since elementary school. Quiet. Bags under her eyes that never faded. She told me she was scared of sleeping because ‘it’ would take her.” she said. Her voice was steady, recounting it all. “So, instead of it taking her, she took it herself. Her life.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Caspar said to her. His arms tightened around her waist. Leonie kept on. 

“I always tried to get her out of the dorm. I even invited her to my house once for a break.” Leonie said. “I was the one to find her. Her face as blue as her hair. Human bodies get so cold, so fast.” she said. There was a shiver that coursed through her body. “Hanging. Her eyes bugging out of her skull. It looked like it was horrible. You don’t recover from that.” 

“Leonie-” 

“That’s why I don’t bother with the emotions of it. I cried enough that day to last a lifetime. I miss her dearly.” she sighed. “So, I guess if you take anything away from this, it’s that be sure you check on Linnie from time to time. If only I hadn’t tried to force her outside, and if maybe I just stayed inside with her, and went at her pace-” 

“You can’t blame yourself for that.” Caspar said, looking at her. “You’ll definitely never recover if you blame yourself.” 

“I don’t blame myself, Caspar. I didn’t tie the noose. I didn’t kick the stool. She killed herself on her own volition. But the Leonie now, who’s a good listener and the one you know? That wasn’t who I was then. Sometimes, it’s best to shut up and just listen.” Leonie told Caspar. “I’m used to having dead friends now.” 

There was a brief silence between them as Leonie took the last bite of now lukewarm rice. Her eyes were transfixed on a photo that was kept on her desk. It was a small Leonie, with a beaming smile atop a horse. Seated behind her was an even smaller girl with blue hair and a soft smile. Leonie sighed. She smiled, but her eyes were glistening like morning dew. Caspar saved her the face and pretended not to notice. 

Whatever the opposite of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed was, Linhardt was it. He came crashing into the dorm at half past two in the morning with his hand over his mouth. His face complimented the tone of his hair and Caspar bolted up from his sleep in just enough time to see Linhardt keel over and vomit onto the floor. He didn’t bother getting dressed as he rushed to Linhardt’s side. The puke looked like bile and maybe some hints of food. Linhardt’s eyes were bloodshot as he wretched again. Caspar looked to him with panic. 

“What did you do?” Caspar asked. Linhardt’s eyes read nothing. He wasn’t there. “Linhardt, I'm serious. What did you do?” 

“I can’t do anything.” Linhardt groaned out. “I can’t save shit.” he spat. Another heave. 

Caspar lugged the younger boy into the bathroom and leaned him against the wall in front of the toilet. Linhardt’s head lulled back and he was struggling to stay awake. Caspar hurried to remove clothes that looked like they hadn’t been changed in days and smelled like they hadn’t been washed in weeks. Linhardt's whole body was covered in goosebumps and sickly bruises. His skin felt elastic and the more Caspar looked, the more he was losing his bearings. 

Malnourishment. Signs of self-harm. Concentrated marks on his thighs like he had been hitting himself. His body was unlike Caspar had ever seen him. Unshaved. Unkempt. He was usually so groomed and now- 

Linhardt’s eyes were closing without him saying a word or yawning. Caspar gripped his shoulders and gave him a shake. 

“Linhardt!” he shouted. The boy’s eyes opened if only for a moment before they began to droop again. Another shake. “Lin!” Caspar screamed, tears welling in his eyes. “I’m calling the police, just stay with me.” he begged. He pleaded. He watched as Linhardt’s conscious slipped further and further away. No matter what numbers Caspar pressed on his phone after he grabbed it, it wouldn’t dial. Nothing would ring. No one would pick up. 

Much to his horror, Linhardt’s face began to hollow out. His eyes being eaten away and dissolving into his skull. The lights in the bathroom turning dark, and he couldn’t breathe as he watched his loved one being devoured by maggots and cockroaches. Caspar couldn’t brush them off try as he might. He wanted to save him. He wanted to start over. He couldn’t let this happen. He tried begging again. 

“Wake up.” he asked the decaying corpse in front of him. “Wake up! Please, wake up!” he shouted. He was hyperventilating. Trembling. His core went cold when Linhardt’s body went rigid and snapped his head towards him. 

“No, you wake up.” 

Linhardt was sitting on Caspar’s bed, glass of water in hand while his other rested on the latter’s shoulder. His face was contorted with sheer horror and concern. Caspar could feel his whole body coated in sweat and the inside of his mouth tasted like copper. He cheeks hurt, and he guessed he had bit down a bit too hard. Linhardt’s hand gently moved across barren skin. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. His voice was a whisper, like he was vocally walking on eggshells. “You were saying some horrible things in your sleep.” 

Caspar looked up at a very alive Linhardt. His heart was beating still a million miles an hour after having vividly watch the person in front of him decompose. 

“Like what?” he asked. He had to know. Linhardt set down the cup on his nightstand and brought his hand to run through his hair. More strands than normal came undone. 

“It was a lot of mumbling, but you screamed. My name. It wasn’t a good scream either. I heard something about you asking me what I did, and something about maggots. I won't pry, but I can only assume you had the nightmare of the century.” he explained. Caspar vacantly nodded as he remembered the vision before his closed eyes. But it was over. Linhardt was there. Not vomiting. Not bruised. Not a skeleton. 

“I’ve been so worried about you, Lin.” Caspar said. He sat in his bed, shaking from cold sweat that had drenched his clothes. He had never before in his life had a nightmare like that, and he prayed to whichever god would hear him that it wouldn’t happen again. “I had a dream you killed yourself. Or something like that. You said you couldn’t save anything.” he recounted. Linhardt’s brow furrowed. 

“Ah, that’s not good.” he said. He stretched out his arms above his head and cracked his knuckles. “My studies are going fine,” he started. “But I would be lying if I said I was all okay. I’m starting to think more and more about Lysithea’s illness. If it’s anything like I think it is, she’s not going to be able to make it to class. I don’t know why she’s in college if she’s not even going to be able to really graduate. I guess that’s why she’s done all this stuff so early in her life, because it’s not early at all.” he said. Linhardt sighed. “Oh, but this isn’t about me.” he said, looking at Caspar. Caspar shrugged. 

“We haven’t really talked in weeks. If you want to just talk, then talk. I’ll listen. I want to be here for you, Linhardt.” he said, placing his hand on Linhardt’s thigh. He squeezed it gently and Linhardt placed his hand atop Caspar’s. “The room is too quiet without you snoring.” 

“I do not snore.” 

“You do, Lin. But it’s charming.” Caspar said. He moved to sit up and positioned himself so he was facing Linhardt. “Everything about you is charming. Your sleepiness. Your tenacity. You aren’t lazy at all. You’re so passionate about the things that mean so much to you. I hope one day you can be passionate about me.” Caspar sighed. “I want to be with you. I don’t want you to leave me. You’ve been so focused on everything except yourself. I don’t want you to get so absorbed and end up defeated that you- that you...” Caspar’s word trailed off. He looked down into his lap and fought back tears as the images in his dream flooded back to his brain. 

“That I kill myself?” Linhardt chuckled. 

“It’s not funny.” Caspar snapped, and Linhardt nodded. 

“I know it’s not, Caspar. I know. But, I’ll have you know I’ve been doing fine mentally. When I’m absorbed into my work, I don’t have time to think about all the reasons I shouldn’t be here. And that’s why I find myself falling into things so hard. Like you.” he said, blushing. “I want to be with you too. And I'm sorry for snapping at you recently. I’m sorry I haven’t been around or communicating. I hope you can forgive me, but also, I hope you can get used to those behaviors. This is who I am.” Linhardt said. “I refuse to change.” 

“I don’t want you to change, Lin. I like you for you.” Caspar said to him, leaning his body in only a little. “I like you, Linhardt von Hevring. I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again. I’ll tell you a thousand times over. So please,” Caspar asked, cupping Linhardt’s face into his hands. “Can we actually date?” he asked. Linhardt brought his hands up to his face and clasped Caspar’s hands. 

“That was really melodramatic.” he laughed. Caspar’s face flushed red with embarrassment, but Linhardt leaned in and kissed him softly. “However, yes we can.” he said, putting all of the elder's anxiety at ease. “As long as you don’t say anything sappy like that again.” 

There was a newfound spring in Linhardt and Caspar’s step alike. The two smiled more, laughed more, and seemed to glow whenever they were in the presence of one another. Linhardt had finally finished up all of his reading just in time for finals. After that, it was winter break, and then Linhardt would come back and start taking placement classes to change his major. Caspar was still going forward with kinesiology. He thought how happy his father would be that he was not only doing well, but he was also getting along with his coworker’s son, who now also was going into the medical field. Getting along. Those were the right words. 

“We’re not in high school, stop trying to leave hickeys.” Linhardt groaned as Caspar sucked a little too hard on his neck. 

“Then I’ll just leave them where they can’t be seen.” Caspar said devilishly, dipping down to bite on the inside of Linhardt’s exposed thigh. The green haired boy gritted his teeth and lulled his head back. “I know you like it, you kinky little fuck.” 

“I don’t want to hear it.” Linhardt hissed, gripping at the sheets beneath him. He wanted to yank at Caspar’s hair and sexually brutalize him, but they weren’t quite there yet. Even this was a lot for them. They were getting used to kissing, to making out. But clothes off for one another was new territory. Sure, Caspar had had shows while Linhardt was in the room, and Linhardt had been a voyeur, but this was different. There was no camera, there was no audience. Just two boys, touching new skin and feeling things they weren’t sure were normal. 

“God, your skin is so soft.” Caspar whispered against the inside of Linhardt thigh. He was still kissing and nipping at the flesh before him. Linhardt’s heart thumped so hard he could feel it in his neck. His body was so hot and the way Caspar’s eyes looked made him feel feral. 

“You can’t say those things to me, darling. I swear, if you give me the word.” he breathed out. Caspar’s heavy breathing against his underwear made him lightheaded. 

“You swear what?” Caspar asked, placing both his hands on the tops of Linhardt’s thighs. He moved so he was looking up at Linhardt though his bangs. Caspar’s face, however, was mostly blocked by Linhardt’s incredibly evident excitement. Linhardt buried his face into his hands and slid his hands back with pressure to his temples. He was stressed in the good way. 

“You don’t want to know the things I want to do to you.” he said, voice shaking. “I promise. You’re too pretty.” 

Caspar let out a small moan just from his words. He couldn’t help but to nudge his face against the younger boy’s aching arousal. Caspar wanted him. 

“Please, I’m begging. Tell me.” Caspar said breathily. He was letting his hands venture to the waistband of Linhardt's boxers. He did not stop him. 

Caspar dragged off Linhardt’s final garment painfully slow. Caspar was waiting for him to say stop, but the words never came. Linhardt’s eyes were filled with fire as they bore down on Caspar’s being. His boxers were off and the older boy was faced with something beyond his wildest imagination. He stared it down and gulped. Linhardt just sat back and watched as Caspar treated it like newfound treasure. His hands gently grasped it, feeling it up and down before he brought his mouth close. Linhardt gasped when he felt a wet tongue lick the bottom side, balls to tip. Caspar snickered. He opened his mouth and began to take it in. Down and down, further and further. Linhardt was barely holding onto his conscious. 

Caspar took all of it down his throat like a pro. Linhardt let out a moan that made him have to cover his mouth before it got any louder. He could feel Caspar smirk around his dick and Linhardt wasn’t having that. He willed himself to sit up and laced fingers through sky blue strands. His breathing was ragged but he managed to speak. 

“Can I...” Linhardt paused. He gently moved his hips up and into Caspar’s mouth, who didn’t flinch at the movement. He made eye-contact, and Caspar pulled off. 

“Let me lay down.” he offered, and confused, Linhardt moved to get off the bed. He was inexperienced. He watched porn, but only recently was he venturing into just pure, gay porn. It was normally men masturbating or straight sex. He had thoughts and ideas of what he was into, but he didn’t really know. He liked how breasts and pecs were defined when they were tied up. He liked the look of people on their knees and him sitting and being begged to. He liked that notion of power. 

Caspar was lying flat on his back, his head hanging only slightly off the edge of the bed. He had placed a pillow beneath his head and had shed his clothes. Stark naked, he motioned for Linhardt to stand in front of him. Caspar’s head tilted back and opened wide, and it started to click. He was really allowing this. He was allowing it, and could do it. Linhardt was still hesitant as he slid himself inside the older boy’s unhinged jaw. It was so warm, so wet. He leaned in forward and placed his hands on Caspar’s shoulders and began to rock his hips back and forth. He saw the thick outline of himself bulge and then retract against Caspar’s throat. It was something he had never thought could look so erotic. 

Caspar breathing was steady as he let his mouth get gently fucked. He was waiting for Linhardt to lose control, but he was ready if he did. He worked on his own arousal in time with Linhardt’s hip stokes. It was slow, and there was some franticness to it. Caspar could tell he was nervous. For the times they had gotten more intimate, it was mostly heated make out sessions and straying hands. Maybe a hand job here and there and Caspar had sucked his dick once or twice, but it was always short lived because Linhardt would get too nervous and lose his erection, or would finish in record time much to his dismay. The slowness was a nice change of pace, but also a needed precaution. 

Saliva dripped out of Caspar’s mouth while Linhardt sped up his thrusts. It was sloppy. Messy. Sexy. Linhardt’s eyes were transfixed on Caspar jerking himself off. He watched as his tip oozed out off-white precum and Caspar’s brows were wrinkled with concentration. His throat was loose and he was taking nearly seven inches without so much as batting an eye. The thought alone had Linhardt go all to way to the base and just keep it there as Caspar’s tongue worked around on the inside. Every twitch of his mouth made Linhardt painfully close. 

“I’m going to finish in your mouth-” Linhardt said, but he paused. “Can I?” 

There was a slight nod from Caspar as he contorted his throat in a way that had Linhardt seeing white behind his eyes. He slammed them shut and his nails dug hard into Caspar’s toned and tanned shoulders. There were sounds of gulping and some drool and semen spilling from the sides of his mouth. Linhardt kept riding it out while Caspar tried to finish himself off. Linhardt watched, and he knew this was a good time to try something else out. 

He pulled out and placed his hands beneath the elder's shoulders, pushing him to sit up. Linhardt crawled on top of the bed and pulled Caspar back to lean against him. He wrapped his hands around his waist and gripped the still quivering excitement and began jerking fast and hard. Caspar hadn’t had time to even wipe his mouth before he was moaning like a virgin having his first time. It was high pitched and hurt Linhardt’s ears, but it also turned him on so, so much. He was sucking on Caspar’s neck; the very thing he hated have done to him and taking large mouthfuls of flesh and sinking his teeth in. Caspar was a masochist, and it worked out well with Linhardt sadistic nature. 

Caspar finished soon after, but that didn’t stop Linhardt from stroking. He kept going and going, watching Caspar’s face contort with pleasure and panic. His whines were high and his body was convulsing. 

“Lin, Lin, please! I’m done!” he gasped out. Linhardt smirked and began to slow down his strokes as he nibbled at his earlobe. 

“I know hun, I know. Calm down.” he said. “I won’t hurt you, much.” he chuckled, and Caspar laughed back with him. 

Post-coital bliss. Sticky stomach and damp sheets. The slow whirring of the heater going on in the room. The leaves were turning different colors on the trees and while it was still sunny, the air smelled like winter was just around the corner despite fall just giving way. The two sat back against the wall, still naked, still gathering their bearings. Linhardt looked over to Caspar, whose eyes were closed. His chest rose and fell and he looked like he might fall asleep. He asked himself, if Caspar looked this good just after that, what would after sex look like? Rose-colored glasses on, he asked himself, was this love? 

He hoped it wasn’t. 

“My my, I’m impressed Linhardt!” Professor Manuela cooed, looking at the test he had taken a few days prior. “Nearly perfect marks. And I was nitpicking too.” 

“Thank you, Miss Manuela.” Linhardt bowed. Outside the door, Caspar, Leonie, and Lysithea were high-fiving one another and bouncing up and down with excitement. “Does that mean I can join the program?” he asked. There were nerves evident in his voice, and Manulea looked up over the paper that was in front of her face. His heart was pounding. 

“I would be delighted to have you, but I have heard from Hanneman you’re not keen to blood, is that correct?” she asked. Linhardt nodded. 

“That is correct. However, I have more important matter to attend to. I can overcome it, I promise.” he said, clenching a fist in a triumphant manner. Manuela sighed and sat back in her chair, letting the paper fall. Linhardt snuck a peek at it. 96. 

“Well, I commend your passion and drive for this.” she commented, and that made Linhardt’s face crack into a smile. No one had ever told him he was driven. He mostly got the lazy speech, but for once, someone praised him. “I look forward to working with you, Linhardt.” she said, hand extended. Linhardt grasped it and shook it firmly. 

“Likewise.” 

Winter break came fast and hit hard. With Linhardt changing majors, he once again, didn’t have time to hang out with anyone or do anything. Caspar, his boyfriend now, would bring him food and drink and sit with him while he studied more and more. They both opted to not go home, but rather, stay in the dorm and begin the work for next semester early. Leonie had gone home, and Lysithea was in and out of the hospital much to everyone’s dismay. She argued she was fine, but her hair was turning white, and her skin paling fast. She was already short from her just being young, but each time Caspar and Linhardt saw her, she seemed to shrink. They just hoped they could continue to see her. 

No matter how hard Linhardt studied, Lysithea’s conditioned worsened. They would see her once a week. Once a month. They didn’t see her. Linhardt’s texts went through and were read, but there was no reply. Caspar had called Leonie to ask her if she heard anything from the girl, but nothing on her end either. At least the messages were read. That was the only way they knew she was alive. He’d check nearly every three days. Like clockwork, he’d send a text that was humorous, but sincere. 

mic check one two. Is this thing working? Oh no, this is a Lysithea check! If you read this, I’ll know. Miss you! 

Gatherings aren’t as fun if you’re not there being a gremlin. Let me know when you get better so I can buy you as much cake as you want! 

You didn’t read my last message. I'm going to assume you’re busy running laps around the hospital and getting better! Talk to you soon. 

Lysithea if you’re alive please just read this 

It was never read. 

“All that studying, for what?” Linhardt asked, sitting back in a chair. His feet were propped on the table and Hanneman was mirroring him. Or he was mirroring Hanneman. The older male sighed. 

“Well, to say you don’t stick to your guns and focus hard on things at hand are lies. I’ve never seen you more gung-ho about something.” he said, twirling his mustache in his fingers. “Sorry this happened, but I’m glad to have you back.” 

“I wish I could say I’m glad to be back, but not seeing her every day sure does suck.” Linhardt said. It was hard enough getting the call from Leonie, who was weeping and wailing over the phone so loudly he didn’t even need to put it on speaker to have Caspar hear the news. Lysithea’s funeral was small. The reception was sweet, literally and figuratively. Cakes, chocolates, sodas, and general confections as far as the eyes could see. Leonie cried the most. Linhardt shed a few tears. Caspar didn’t cry. He just seemed angry that someone could die so young. He said it didn’t seem fair. 

“I’m well aware my boy. At least you still have Leonie and Caspar.” Hanneman said, and Linhardt waved his hand to insinuate something otherwise. 

“I’m actually not too sure I still have Caspar.” Linhardt admitted, putting his legs down and leaning forward on the desk, his arms outstretched in front of him. “I don’t think we’re going to work out. I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him. I keep telling myself I like him, but that’s all I feel. I don’t think I can love him, Hanneman.” he admitted. Hanneman nodded and let out another sigh. 

“There’s no passion. Nothing to learn?” he asked. Linhardt shrugged. 

“There’s still plenty to learn. We never had sex. We never went on any nice dates. I don’t think I could tell you his favorite color if you put a knife to my throat.” he said. “I don’t know him like I thought I did, and I don’t want to know him. There’s things to learn but like you said, I have no passion to do so. There’s more interesting things and people out there for me to invest my energy into.” he said. 

“I think you’re making a rash decision and you’re being impulsive because now that you’ve lost Lysithea, you’re lost as well. You lost time, you lost against time, and now you want to hide away and wallow in your failure.” Hanneman said. He was still kicked back and at this point, it was almost a personal attack on the kid. “For someone so brilliant, you sure are dumb when it comes to interpersonal relationships. They’re not something you get into for the sake of quenching a thirst for knowledge. I know you have feelings in there Linhardt, so just use them.” 

“But what if those feelings get hurt?” Linhardt asked. No voices were raised. It was an earnest conversation. 

“Then they get hurt. But you’ll never know until you try. So, Linhardt, I implore you to at least try. You tried to save Lysithea, you failed. There’s no reason you should assume you’re going to fail before you even really start with this relationship.” 

“I have a feeling you’re lecturing me because you need to hear these words yourself.” Linhardt chuckled. Hanneman now opened an eye, settling on a wink. “Maneula and Hanneman, sitting in a tree-” 

“Silence, boy.” 

“So... you want us to act more like a couple than just friends who touch each other?” Caspar asked. He was sitting on his bed, scrolling through his notifications. He had gained a surge of new followers since he had announced he and Linhardt were dating and that there was a chance he could make a cameo on stream. Linhardt kind of scoffed. 

“I mean, when you put it like that, yes.” he said. He, on the other hand, was sitting ram rod straight in his chair. He was trembling with anticipation because he didn’t want Caspar to think this was him breaking up with him. He didn’t want that. He wanted to try. If there were things in his life he couldn’t control, he would relinquish control. But this, he could. 

“Okay, done!” Caspar said, putting down his phone and looking over at Linhardt with his signature sunny smile. Linhardt stared. 

“What?” 

“We can do that. I thought we were doing fine, but I guess you’re wanting to go out more often and like, when we’re alone we don’t just fuck around, yeah?” he asked. “You want to be friends in love. I think you feel like how you didn’t want to feel in the first place. Used.” 

“No, no, I don’t feel used.” Linhardt said. “I just, I guess this is new to me still so I’m unsure how like, relationships, I don’t-” 

“Have you not had a girlfriend or boyfriend before me?” Caspar questioned, and Linhardt’s face was starting to flush pink. 

“S-so? No, I didn’t. But you’re not- this isn’t - shut up!” he shouted, a smile beaming. He was embarrassed, but he was happy to have Caspar be his first. He was hoping he could become his first love too. With time, that is. Linhardt, after all was said and done, was looking to move forward in his life. He had taken a huge stride forward, was set back miles, and was now looking to put one foot in front of the other, heavy as his steps may be and heavy as his heart may feel. 

He was blessed to have Caspar by his side, and he and Leonie still got together and talked. Things were just a little quieter. A lot quieter. It was an unspoken rule to not bring up Lysithea if at all possible. She passed, and they too, would move on. 

So as hard as winter hit, spring eased in and was gentle. The wind smelled of new horizons, and the way the Earth was beginning to green again reminded Linhardt to dye his hair. He threw it up in a messy bun while the rest cascaded around his shoulders. Caspar was in the dorm, throwing things into his backpack before heading off to class. Afterwards, they intended on going out to eat, but things didn’t always go as planned. However, it was the thought that counted. The intentions were good, but as they had learned, time slips away. It keeps on slipping into the future and try as they might, it could not be stopped. It could not be paused, and it could not be turned back lest a miracle was to happen. 

Linhardt didn’t believe in miracles.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i haven't written anything in about 5 years so this was just me dipping my feet in the water uhhh pls don't be harsh i have problems with tenses im well aware  
> title based off the song Fly Like an Eagle by the Steve Miller Band


End file.
